Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
