when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
