Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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