Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
