i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
