Just fell off a train. Bad.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
