i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
