I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
