And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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