3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
