Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
