Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
pop tarts are not kleenex
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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