He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
