You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
