...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize