yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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