Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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