just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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