Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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