I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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