just come out here and I will go home with you...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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