I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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