The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
