I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
