Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
