it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
