Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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