youre lurking in front of me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize