I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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