You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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