when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
