lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
