Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
