I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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