And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
