if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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