god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
