11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
