They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
