after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
