I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
