so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
