Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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