i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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