Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize