tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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