why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize