as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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