I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
