The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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