I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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