Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
