My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
