I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
