She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
