the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
