I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
