I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
