I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize