In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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