you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
