The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize