don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
