Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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