I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
