I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
