It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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