he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
