Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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