I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
