I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
