Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
